History
Character Bios
Frequently Asked Questions
Link Us

Name: The SpoonMan

Background Story:
Born on February 30th, 2796, Spoonman has the auspicious honor of being the last human being. Created by his progenitors, he was the result of generations of breeding and gene selection, the purpose of which was to create an Ubermensch the likes of which the world has never seen. The human race had dwindled down to a small number of mouth-breathers and ass-pickers due to millenia of avoiding the laws of evolution. Mankind's greatest gift had been his compassion, but it had also been his greatest failing. Man had forgotten, simply, that the stupid must die so that the race could evolve.

The scientists who had created him formulated a plan to create this being of unlimited intelligence and temerity and then send him back in time to remind mankind that stupid people should not be allowed to prosper. On September 33rd, 2828, Spoonman entered the Temporal Transliteration And De-Entropification Unit at the "Non-Deliniational Society For the Betterment of Mankind, Womankind, AnimalKind That Believes All Humanity And All Living Things Deserves A Chance To Make It Regardless Of Race, Creed, Species, Social Standing, Racial Background, Ethnic Heritage, Ear Size, Shoe Size....", well, the whole politically correct name isn't important as it no longer exists. (Editor's Note: All of the words in the name are supposed to be capitalized. In the 22nd century, it was made illegal to use lower case letters to oppress the words of a sentence by their sentence-beginning masters.) Just moments after Spoonman was sent back, the entire Earth was destroyed in an attempt by the Management to literally level the playing field for everyone. The report from The Commitee To Understand The Effects Of Killing Everyone On The Planet had been lost in red tape. Too bad.

Stranded in a primitive, dumbass past, Spoonman struggles to understand how an entire population of people could be enthralled by Survivor to the point of being able to name all the children of every member who had one since the series started, yet most couldn't find it's current location on a map if you pointed to it. His attempts to live a "normal" life a constant failure, he came up with the Ritual of the Spoon. With his compatriots, Spoonman attempts to spread the word so that maybe, maybe, the history of the future will not be repeated.

Spoonman would also like to let the ladies know that while, yes, he is a GOD of a man, he is no longer single so close your legs back up. Attempts to engage his shallow side are still welcome, however, and all of your naked pictures should still be sent to iluvspoon@workorspoon.com as his wife occasionally checks his regular mail. Those interested in settling for one of the others on the team should mention so in their letters, and they will be disseminated throughout for perusal. Stay by your phone in case they call!

(Editor's Note: For those questioning the dates in this article, remember, they don't exist yet. In the year 2232, the ACLU successfully lobbied that it wasn't fair that February only have 28 days while all the others had 30 or more. In a bold move, they proposed that every month have 31 days. Of course, this led to a year being stretched to 372 days. When this was pointed out by the few remaining non-in-bred humans, the ACLU quickly responded with the solution. The moon was removed from it's orbit and tied to the Earth with a very large string, double-knotted for safety, of course. This had the effect of slowing the Earth down. Unfortunately, as they weren't very smart, they over compensated and the year was stretched to 401 days. Even with a caculator, they found they couldn't find a way to make 401 divide evenly by 12, so a compromise was made: Each month would now, joyfully, have 33 days and be equal to every other month. The remaining 5 days would be left over to celebrate the ingenuity of the human race as a whole.)